Oh Hello there, Earth which I dropped off the face of!

Posted in General Ramblings, Interactive Fiction on April 16, 2011 by preacherjohnposits

Query:  If one is in the process of reviewing IF-Comp games, and then gets hit with months and months of “irl bullshit”, so much so that Spring Thing rolls around before you remembered to post the last five or so reviews…  is that actually an achievement, rather than a failure?  Is it conceivable that one could *not review* something so fervently that, in a metaphysical sense, they have in fact reviewed things?

Anyway, it’s Spring Thing and I am excited by Spring Thing.  So what I am going to do is review some Spring Thing, and then post the “lost reviews” from last comp.  Sorry those took so long, but it’s been a rough couple of months for extra-curricular joys and hobbies.

One Eye Open: More teeth than a dental landfill.

Posted in IfComp, Interactive Fiction on October 18, 2010 by preacherjohnposits

We’re continuing with the scary games.  It stopped raining awhile ago, but now I am home alone in the middle of the night, so there’s that.  Let’s get on with One Eye Open, a glulx game by Colin Sandel and Carolyn VanEseltine.  I’ve heard some rumblings about this game, but I’m trying to put them out of my mind for the review.

Since I have no other rss buffer text, let’s turn to another excerpt from my unpublished novel “Deltoidclese: Laser Barbarian in Space“.  May god help us all.

-       “The Dame wears red,” grunted Deltoidclese, mentally to himself in his mind, as he fondled his laser-sword under the space-desk in his space-office. “Lots of red.  And a big pointy red hat with a white felt ball on top.  And she has a beard, although Deltoidclese has nothing but sympathy for glandular disorders.”
-       All of a sudden the self-same Dame, sitting across the space-desk from our hero, erupted: “You’ve got to help me, Deltoidclese!  Space hoodlums have stolen my sleigh!”  And then big ol’ tears began to roll down the Dame’s face and off her beard, pooling on her huge jelly-bowl-like belly.
-       “This close to the holidays?!?” Deltoidclese thundered, “By Space-Crom!  This. Will. Not!  STAND!”  And then he stood.
-       “You’ll take the case?? How can I ever thank you enough?” expulsed the Dame joyously.
-       “With your tongues,” replied the muscly brick-shit-house of a space-barbarian.  “Both of them.”

I’ve already squicked myself out and I haven’t even started the horror game!  That’s great!

I hope you’re happy, lone rss guy. Spoilers under here, go play the game!

The Blind House: Flowers yes, puppies no.

Posted in IfComp, Interactive Fiction on October 18, 2010 by preacherjohnposits

Today, our beautiful valley in the South Bay has been blessed with rain.  Lots of rain.  The kind of rain that that arrives courtesy of towering gray clouds pressing so closely to the ground that you could reach up and poke one with a broom if so inclined.

This is scary game weather.  Let’s play some scary-looking games, starting with The Blind House by Maude Overton.

I won’t lie.  The cover art to The Blind House gives me the creeping willies.  If this game turns out to be full of flower-garlanded puppies, I will be disappointed on a primal level at the misrepresentation. Something tells me I will not be disappointed.

I’m writing this bit after playing the game: this is another one of those reviews/discussions filled with spoilers that you will probably not want in your head before playing it yourself.  So be warned, spoilers ahoy.

Go play the game before clicking here, or you’ll grow hair on your palms. Wait, that was something else.

The People’s Glorious Revolutionary Text Adventure Game

Posted in IfComp, Interactive Fiction on October 16, 2010 by preacherjohnposits

I’ve noticed that the recurring themes of this comp are the Bible and Communism.  Something weird going on in the ol’ collective unconscious, I guess.

Up now we have The People’s Glorious  Revolutionary Text Adventure Game, a z-code game by Taylor Vaughan.  If I have to refer to the game by title again, I’m abbreviating to “TPGRTAG”, because typing it the first time gave me carpal tunnel syndrome.  Observational evidence collected in the last minute says that if you shout the abbreviation at someone you live with (i.e. “TupgerTaag, sexy lady!”), they look at you like you’re having a stroke.

You’ll also note that this is the first review without some kind of subtitle, largely for the same title-is-long-already reason.  Rest assured that it has one in my head, perhaps something like “You see no nuclear wessels here”, or “Oh, I won the people’s bodies, alright.”  Just imagine it there after the title, please.

Let’s crack TPGRTAG open and see what’s inside.

TupgerTaag! I mean, spoilers below this cut!

IF Comp 2010: Master Post… Of Dooooom!

Posted in General Ramblings, IfComp, Interactive Fiction on October 15, 2010 by preacherjohnposits

This is a sticky’d master list for those of you coming in via the main page, in case you’re looking for a specific game review.  Links will be added as I keep playing through the games.  Here are the reviews in the order I played them so far, plus other useful shwag:

Links for specific games under the cut!

The 12:54 to Asgard: No, I meant the ACTUAL fertilizer

Posted in IfComp, Interactive Fiction on October 15, 2010 by preacherjohnposits

Next up we have The 12:54 to Asgard, a z-code game by J. Robinson Wheeler (another regular name in this here community).

12:54 to Asgard is a fun title.  It conveys a definite whimsy, a potential for menace, and yet it tells you nothing. Are Norse gods involved?  An alternate universe train journey? A long Galatea-style ask/tell conversation with someone named Yorgenborg Horgenshmorger?  Only one way to find out, as always!

But first, goddamned rss buffer text.  Here’s a quick IF reenactment of practically every large-scale war fought in Europe:

>invade Russia
***You have died***

Wasn’t that fun?  Let’s get on with the game.

Oh mah baby, she love them spoilers, she put them under this ol’ link!

A plea from those with large hands and small keyboards

Posted in General Ramblings, Interactive Fiction on October 15, 2010 by preacherjohnposits

This is a mini-rant unrelated to any specific game, but I figured I’d throw this out there while I have potential author attention.  If you’re using an ask/tell system in a game, either use one of those extension/framework things where the game remembers who you’re talking to (where you can just type “ask about x” after the first time you actually name the npc), or give your npc’s bloody simple names.  One of my hypothetical nightmares as a player is a Galatea-style long conversation with a character named something like Yorgenborg Horgenshmorger (of the Massachusetts Horgenshmorgers, of course).  Please, please don’t do things like this.  Unless you specifically want us not to talk to that character, in which case kudos on a successful application of player psychology.

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